The end of this week has been an odd one. Everything I spoke about two weeks ago in terms of Leicester, are still absolutely brilliant! I've really started to settle into a routine here, and the people around me are fantastic.
I had two night shifts in work this week, Thursday and Friday night. I use the term night shift lightly as they were only five hours long, but being from 11pm until 4am my sleep schedule mucked up completely and I think have disrupted my dealing with some news I got on Thursday. It's family news, and the only way I can fully explain it is rather deeply and personally. Despite the fact I've just had a lovely pub night distracting myself but still feel a need to get this all out, I don't want to be overly deep and personal on here, or right now. However, if you know me and wish to ask privately, then fair play.
The news has really rather affected me. My head is equally fine and quite a bit not fine, I'm stuck in a very confused and emotional limbo. Most I've spoken to have been very helpful and understanding which I can't be more grateful for. I find it really difficult to reach out to people, and as silly as it may sound, I have to work myself up a lot to message someone first, especially if we haven't spoken in longer than a week or so. Thankfully, I've managed to speak up a bit now and what has come from that has been really supportive and beneficial so I'm very grateful to those people right now. Knowing that speaking out was the right thing to do was definitely something I learned during my counselling, so I'm really comforted to have it reinforced that something that was quite difficult to go through at time was most definitely worth it.
I also learned during counselling that due to how I grew up I react to things in two ways that are quite opposite, but I do it simultaneously. It's not linked to bipolar, but rather they're learned behaviours, so I can be quite severe and extreme in a reaction whilst also being level-headed and calm. This information has really come back to me at the moment because I literally feel split in two emotionally, but I'm being patient with myself and now know how to take care of myself mentally, at least much more than I ever used to know. For example, as much as I've encouraged myself to reach out to some, I haven't reached out to everyone possible because that's too overwhelming for my right now. That doesn't mean I'm against talking to others or I handpicked certain people so everyone else should be offended, that's just how things have happened in a way I can deal with them.
It's always an added bonus when Pinterest throws up quotes that support what you're trying to do for yourself. I think one of the biggest lessons I've learned as I've reached adulthood is that patience is not the same as wasting time. I concern myself with so many things that I want to see, do, be, and I forget how beautifully simplistic and necessary it is to stop and smell the roses. This is particularly a factor when things go badly for a while, because I want to rush away from the badness I forget that even among the most damaging of thorns can be the most stunning rose.
(It's even better when a Harry Potter quote supports your efforts and thinking.)
I had two night shifts in work this week, Thursday and Friday night. I use the term night shift lightly as they were only five hours long, but being from 11pm until 4am my sleep schedule mucked up completely and I think have disrupted my dealing with some news I got on Thursday. It's family news, and the only way I can fully explain it is rather deeply and personally. Despite the fact I've just had a lovely pub night distracting myself but still feel a need to get this all out, I don't want to be overly deep and personal on here, or right now. However, if you know me and wish to ask privately, then fair play.
The news has really rather affected me. My head is equally fine and quite a bit not fine, I'm stuck in a very confused and emotional limbo. Most I've spoken to have been very helpful and understanding which I can't be more grateful for. I find it really difficult to reach out to people, and as silly as it may sound, I have to work myself up a lot to message someone first, especially if we haven't spoken in longer than a week or so. Thankfully, I've managed to speak up a bit now and what has come from that has been really supportive and beneficial so I'm very grateful to those people right now. Knowing that speaking out was the right thing to do was definitely something I learned during my counselling, so I'm really comforted to have it reinforced that something that was quite difficult to go through at time was most definitely worth it.
I also learned during counselling that due to how I grew up I react to things in two ways that are quite opposite, but I do it simultaneously. It's not linked to bipolar, but rather they're learned behaviours, so I can be quite severe and extreme in a reaction whilst also being level-headed and calm. This information has really come back to me at the moment because I literally feel split in two emotionally, but I'm being patient with myself and now know how to take care of myself mentally, at least much more than I ever used to know. For example, as much as I've encouraged myself to reach out to some, I haven't reached out to everyone possible because that's too overwhelming for my right now. That doesn't mean I'm against talking to others or I handpicked certain people so everyone else should be offended, that's just how things have happened in a way I can deal with them.
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