Never Too Early for Summer Planning

In the midst of this cold February, snowed under degree related work and cheer practices for our competition yesterday (we smashed it btw), I've somehow managed to pretty much organise my summer, the main bits anyway. I'm really excited about most of it, but I'm honestly terrified of graduating. I cannot believe these 3 years at Keele are going to be over. I have been determined and set on going to university for as long as I can remember, it's the same with being in the Police, but that seems so much less sure than university does. As it stands I've been in education for near enough 18 years of my life, it's terrifying to be approaching the stage when I can just walk on from that. To be fair, I want to do a Masters, but still, I'm freaking out a little.

I'm also massively excited! In June, myself and 8 of the girls I cheer with are spending four days at the Prinsotel Alba in Cala D'or, Majorca:
Originally there were 25 of us, then 20 so I started looking into renting a villa and booking the flights separately, but that was working out rather expensively. In the end, the number dropped to 9, which happens to be the maximum number of people that can be booked onto a Thomas Cook package holiday. PHEW! Less stress for me! Thomas Cook have packages that include flights, airport transfers etc...which leaves me with far less to organise. The aparthotel itself is right by the beach, restaurants and bars, but is within taxi distance to night clubs when we fancy a less chilled atmosphere. I'm really looking forward to it, it should be a great way to round off my time as a Panther.

Then, in July, I will graduate and a week later Alex and I will be flying out to San Diego as the start to a 2 week adventure in California. The original plan was to go to Comic Con for at least one day then travel everywhere else, however, we did not manage to get tickets for Comic Con last Saturday when they went on sale. The way it works is, you sign up for a Comic Con membership, then you're sent an email with a link which takes you into a waiting room. The waiting room opens an hour before ticket sales begin. It does not matter when in that hour you enter the waiting room as moving onto the buying stage is randomized. Unfortunately, after two hours of intense waiting, neither of us made it through to the buying stage.

I'm ridiculously disappointed, but hey ho! We have many more years to try again.
As we wanted to keep our flight prices as low as possible, we booked our flights early and through STA Travel who offer special rates to students. This meant, however, that we booked our flights before we found out we wouldn't be going to Comic Con. Hopefully, San Diego will be kind to us and the convention will create a brilliant atmosphere around the city with a sprinkling of sightings of famous people. After SD we want to drive to LA, then fly to San Francisco with a visit to Alcatraz and a stay in Yosemite thrown in. I will update you as plans are solidified. Now to stop planning a holiday and keep writing dissertations and applying for Masters courses....

Love Yourself

You might remember that last Valentine's Day, I had a cheer competition, the one before that Alex and I did no more than go to see the Lego Movie and this year we're going to see Deadpool. We don't really 'do' Valentine's Day, or take it that seriously. I've literally just spent half an hour pinteresting the most ridiculous eecards I can find and sending them. Like this beaut: I find it ridiculous that there is a whole day on the calendar dedicated to love - every flipping day should be! Therefore, I'm going to use this day as a reminder, to love myself, and I hope what I next say encourages people to try it too. I originally posted the majority of this last year as a guest post for a friend's blog, but as a third year who wishes to keep her blog active I'm just going to have to reuse it. In all honesty, my opinion hasn't really changed so I don't think I have anything new to say on the topic of 'loving myself'.

I could take the somewhat common approach of describing how I literally can’t really remember a time I have liked my body, of how I have always wanted my thighs liposuctioned, a nose job, regular facials to get rid of my pizza face, and how even though I hate dishonesty I'm always worried that living that out through bluntness isn't necessarily a good thing. I’m going to attempt something a little different however.

This is my ‘no make-up selfie’ from when those were a thing: Looks pretty standard and non-make-upy, right? Wrong!! I must admit that I did have some make up on. To be fair, it was make up I had applied that morning, and I took this picture at night time so most of it had worn off BUT STILL. I officially could not bear the thought of being completely and utterly without some sort of ‘war paint’.
War paint? What could a white girl, that has friends, a boyfriend, is getting a degree, actually have reason to fight? Is it the media, the casual sexism in society, her friends that are wayyyyy more attractive than she is? I want to say yes. I want to be that person on a moral crusade against the evil media and rotten societal norms, I want to give into envy, and hide behind it all. However, I cannot. Why? Because even though those things are factors, the real thing I am fighting is myself; my perceptions.

These perceptions have always been skewed, slowly I have begun to wear less make-up on a regular basis, I am more confident when I’m out and about, meeting new people. I have even worn a bikini or two with a smile! Though it did help that there were girls larger than me around the pool who looked amazing and confident so I made myself think – why not try to be too? They probably suffer more than I do with their body image, but they're so sure that they look fab anyway and their amazing attributes beyond their looks matter more. Something that has really helped me with all of this is starting university, and *shockingly* becoming a cheerleader.

When I joined university, I was how I was, I am who I am, and I knew that when living with others, we were all going to have to get on, on at least some level. It couldn’t matter what we looked like, no one was really going to bother putting a full face of make up on after a heavy night out when you just want to eat bad food in your Superman onesie; or if it’s your girlie week in the month, you’ve had a massive break out, you hate everything, and the only people that can make you smile are Ben and Jerry.

The other girl in my flat and I also became Keele Panther cheerleaders. It all started off as a bit of a joke, I mean why would a rather insecure person what to chuck herself about a mat in a clingy short uniform with skinny people?

I shall use my stunt group from two years ago to explain.  As you can see we all have rather different body shapes. Aidah on the far left, is flexible, and a really good dancer. Next to her Katie, is strong, and really powers through. In the middle, there’s Kieran. He’s a great dancer, and is very powerful. Then we have Hannah, who’s light but strong, and ridiculously flexible. Finally, we have me. I have quite a bit of strength, and can throw some shapes when necessary. In 2014 we became BCA National Champions for Group Stunt Level 1. We worked together, supported each other, and appreciated the different benefits that our different bodies brought to the team. I could not be prouder of us.

Both cheer and university have also reinforced in me that it isn’t just about what your body’s like on the outside, but also the inside. There’s no point obsessing about whether your bum looks big in something, or that every little thing you do is mean and horrible, if that’s going to lead to mental and physical illness. Only worry if medically you are overweight, or if you've genuinely offended someone, but you'll be told those things and you can channel the worry into making things better, but until then don't fret. Be healthy in MIND, BODY AND SPIRIT, not ill because you’re forcing yourself to be something you’re not supposed to be. Know what you are willing to put up with, and what you are not. I detest dishonesty, people hurting those closest to me, selfishness, over sensitivity, and childishness, so I do my absolute best not to do/be any of things, and I expect people to treat me as I treat them. If there are people around you constantly involved in things that only upset you and bring negativity into your life, then it's ok to give them a lesser role in your world or completely remove them from it.

Looks-wise, yes, I’m chubby. Yes, I am trying to eat slightly less to combat this. Ultimately though, I’m pretty darn fit, I have people that I love and love me back, and I’m currently enjoying the privilege of education. I have always found it far more insulting to be called, stupid or mean, than to be called fat, and I think that is very important. Focusing inwards and altering those things affects your attitudes outwards so much more than losing 5 pounds will, or at least that's the case for me. In the same way each member of our stunt group needed to be different to play a role, each member of humanity needs to be too. Don’t be afraid of that, embrace it. Take care of yourself, and take care of others. It’s all worth it.

‘I am fearfully and wonderfully made’