You might remember that last Valentine's Day, I had a cheer competition, the one before that Alex and I did no more than go to see the Lego Movie and this year we're going to see Deadpool. We don't really 'do' Valentine's Day, or take it that seriously. I've literally just spent half an hour pinteresting the most ridiculous eecards I can find and sending them. Like this beaut: 
I find it ridiculous that there is a whole day on the calendar dedicated to love - every flipping day should be! Therefore, I'm going to use this day as a reminder, to love myself, and I hope what I next say encourages people to try it too. I originally posted the majority of this last year as a guest post for a friend's blog, but as a third year who wishes to keep her blog active I'm just going to have to reuse it. In all honesty, my opinion hasn't really changed so I don't think I have anything new to say on the topic of 'loving myself'.
I could take the somewhat common approach of describing how I literally can’t really remember a time I have liked my body, of how I have always wanted my thighs liposuctioned, a nose job, regular facials to get rid of my pizza face, and how even though I hate dishonesty I'm always worried that living that out through bluntness isn't necessarily a good thing. I’m going to attempt something a little different however.
This is my ‘no make-up selfie’ from when those were a thing: Looks pretty standard and non-make-upy, right? Wrong!! I must admit that I did have some make up on. To be fair, it was make up I had applied that morning, and I took this picture at night time so most of it had worn off BUT STILL. I officially could not bear the thought of being completely and utterly without some sort of ‘war paint’.
War paint? What could a white girl, that has friends, a boyfriend, is getting a degree, actually have reason to fight? Is it the media, the casual sexism in society, her friends that are wayyyyy more attractive than she is? I want to say yes. I want to be that person on a moral crusade against the evil media and rotten societal norms, I want to give into envy, and hide behind it all. However, I cannot. Why? Because even though those things are factors, the real thing I am fighting is myself; my perceptions.
These perceptions have always been skewed, slowly I have begun to wear less make-up on a regular basis, I am more confident when I’m out and about, meeting new people. I have even worn a bikini or two with a smile! Though it did help that there were girls larger than me around the pool who looked amazing and confident so I made myself think – why not try to be too? They probably suffer more than I do with their body image, but they're so sure that they look fab anyway and their amazing attributes beyond their looks matter more. Something that has really helped me with all of this is starting university, and *shockingly* becoming a cheerleader.
When I joined university, I was how I was, I am who I am, and I knew that when living with others, we were all going to have to get on, on at least some level. It couldn’t matter what we looked like, no one was really going to bother putting a full face of make up on after a heavy night out when you just want to eat bad food in your Superman onesie; or if it’s your girlie week in the month, you’ve had a massive break out, you hate everything, and the only people that can make you smile are Ben and Jerry.
The other girl in my flat and I also became Keele Panther cheerleaders. It all started off as a bit of a joke, I mean why would a rather insecure person what to chuck herself about a mat in a clingy short uniform with skinny people?
I shall use my stunt group from two
years ago to explain. As you can see we all have rather different
body shapes. Aidah on the far left, is flexible, and a really good
dancer. Next to her Katie, is strong, and really powers through. In the
middle, there’s Kieran. He’s a great dancer, and is very powerful. Then
we have Hannah, who’s light but strong, and ridiculously flexible.
Finally, we have me. I have quite a bit of strength, and can throw some
shapes when necessary. In 2014 we became BCA National Champions for
Group Stunt Level 1. We worked together, supported each other, and
appreciated the different benefits that our different bodies brought to
the team. I could not be prouder of us.
Both cheer and university have also reinforced in me that it isn’t just about what your body’s like on the outside, but also the inside. There’s no point obsessing about whether your bum looks big in something, or that every little thing you do is mean and horrible, if that’s going to lead to mental and physical illness. Only worry if medically you are overweight, or if you've genuinely offended someone, but you'll be told those things and you can channel the worry into making things better, but until then don't fret. Be healthy in MIND, BODY AND SPIRIT, not ill because you’re forcing yourself to be something you’re not supposed to be. Know what you are willing to put up with, and what you are not. I detest dishonesty, people hurting those closest to me, selfishness, over sensitivity, and childishness, so I do my absolute best not to do/be any of things, and I expect people to treat me as I treat them. If there are people around you constantly involved in things that only upset you and bring negativity into your life, then it's ok to give them a lesser role in your world or completely remove them from it.
Looks-wise, yes, I’m chubby. Yes, I am trying to eat slightly less to combat this. Ultimately though, I’m pretty darn fit, I have people that I love and love me back, and I’m currently enjoying the privilege of education. I have always found it far more insulting to be called, stupid or mean, than to be called fat, and I think that is very important. Focusing inwards and altering those things affects your attitudes outwards so much more than losing 5 pounds will, or at least that's the case for me. In the same way each member of our stunt group needed to be different to play a role, each member of humanity needs to be too. Don’t be afraid of that, embrace it. Take care of yourself, and take care of others. It’s all worth it.
I find it ridiculous that there is a whole day on the calendar dedicated to love - every flipping day should be! Therefore, I'm going to use this day as a reminder, to love myself, and I hope what I next say encourages people to try it too. I originally posted the majority of this last year as a guest post for a friend's blog, but as a third year who wishes to keep her blog active I'm just going to have to reuse it. In all honesty, my opinion hasn't really changed so I don't think I have anything new to say on the topic of 'loving myself'. I could take the somewhat common approach of describing how I literally can’t really remember a time I have liked my body, of how I have always wanted my thighs liposuctioned, a nose job, regular facials to get rid of my pizza face, and how even though I hate dishonesty I'm always worried that living that out through bluntness isn't necessarily a good thing. I’m going to attempt something a little different however.
This is my ‘no make-up selfie’ from when those were a thing: Looks pretty standard and non-make-upy, right? Wrong!! I must admit that I did have some make up on. To be fair, it was make up I had applied that morning, and I took this picture at night time so most of it had worn off BUT STILL. I officially could not bear the thought of being completely and utterly without some sort of ‘war paint’.
War paint? What could a white girl, that has friends, a boyfriend, is getting a degree, actually have reason to fight? Is it the media, the casual sexism in society, her friends that are wayyyyy more attractive than she is? I want to say yes. I want to be that person on a moral crusade against the evil media and rotten societal norms, I want to give into envy, and hide behind it all. However, I cannot. Why? Because even though those things are factors, the real thing I am fighting is myself; my perceptions.
These perceptions have always been skewed, slowly I have begun to wear less make-up on a regular basis, I am more confident when I’m out and about, meeting new people. I have even worn a bikini or two with a smile! Though it did help that there were girls larger than me around the pool who looked amazing and confident so I made myself think – why not try to be too? They probably suffer more than I do with their body image, but they're so sure that they look fab anyway and their amazing attributes beyond their looks matter more. Something that has really helped me with all of this is starting university, and *shockingly* becoming a cheerleader.
When I joined university, I was how I was, I am who I am, and I knew that when living with others, we were all going to have to get on, on at least some level. It couldn’t matter what we looked like, no one was really going to bother putting a full face of make up on after a heavy night out when you just want to eat bad food in your Superman onesie; or if it’s your girlie week in the month, you’ve had a massive break out, you hate everything, and the only people that can make you smile are Ben and Jerry.
The other girl in my flat and I also became Keele Panther cheerleaders. It all started off as a bit of a joke, I mean why would a rather insecure person what to chuck herself about a mat in a clingy short uniform with skinny people?
I shall use my stunt group from two
years ago to explain. As you can see we all have rather different
body shapes. Aidah on the far left, is flexible, and a really good
dancer. Next to her Katie, is strong, and really powers through. In the
middle, there’s Kieran. He’s a great dancer, and is very powerful. Then
we have Hannah, who’s light but strong, and ridiculously flexible.
Finally, we have me. I have quite a bit of strength, and can throw some
shapes when necessary. In 2014 we became BCA National Champions for
Group Stunt Level 1. We worked together, supported each other, and
appreciated the different benefits that our different bodies brought to
the team. I could not be prouder of us. Both cheer and university have also reinforced in me that it isn’t just about what your body’s like on the outside, but also the inside. There’s no point obsessing about whether your bum looks big in something, or that every little thing you do is mean and horrible, if that’s going to lead to mental and physical illness. Only worry if medically you are overweight, or if you've genuinely offended someone, but you'll be told those things and you can channel the worry into making things better, but until then don't fret. Be healthy in MIND, BODY AND SPIRIT, not ill because you’re forcing yourself to be something you’re not supposed to be. Know what you are willing to put up with, and what you are not. I detest dishonesty, people hurting those closest to me, selfishness, over sensitivity, and childishness, so I do my absolute best not to do/be any of things, and I expect people to treat me as I treat them. If there are people around you constantly involved in things that only upset you and bring negativity into your life, then it's ok to give them a lesser role in your world or completely remove them from it.
Looks-wise, yes, I’m chubby. Yes, I am trying to eat slightly less to combat this. Ultimately though, I’m pretty darn fit, I have people that I love and love me back, and I’m currently enjoying the privilege of education. I have always found it far more insulting to be called, stupid or mean, than to be called fat, and I think that is very important. Focusing inwards and altering those things affects your attitudes outwards so much more than losing 5 pounds will, or at least that's the case for me. In the same way each member of our stunt group needed to be different to play a role, each member of humanity needs to be too. Don’t be afraid of that, embrace it. Take care of yourself, and take care of others. It’s all worth it.
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