So Long 2015, and Thanks for all the Lessons

We did it!!
If you're reading this then you made through another year!
Congratulations!!

It may seem patronising to congratulate us on making it through another year, but getting through 365 can be a real challenge, and of course I don't mean anything badly about those who aren't physically here to ring in 2016 with us.

Personally, my emotions and security have done a complete 180, and I couldn't feel more grateful or blessed. At the beginning of the year, I struggled with settling back in Keele and finding my place at 'home' again. That lasted right through until summer. My moods were all over the place, my reactions were completely irrational, and I was entirely uncomfortable with myself. I mean yes, I had amazing experiences such as turning 21, holidaying in Barcelona, and meeting two stars of my most favourite TV show. I'm incredibly grateful for those things, and feel blessed for having had them in my life, but I wasn't right. I wasn't myself.

I got help once I started back at Keele. I can't believe how much it has helped. My constant feelings of guilt, the paranoia that comes with, my inability to trust, have completely calmed down. Does it mean I no longer have days when I think everyone hates me, or when I have no motivation or self belief, or when I'm incapable of talking to people? No. It just means they're far more manageable, and are fewer and further between. This semester has definitely been my favourite. That isn't because it's been the easiest, it really hasn't, but it's been the most worth it.

I haven't felt as consistently positive, secure, and motivated as I do right now going into 2016. It was identified that my main problem is people management, I don't trust people enough to accept that they like, and I get very easily frustrated when they act in a way I can't understand or in a way I don't feel I ever would. My trust in people, and security within myself about how much the opinions of others don't need to mean to me, have improved a massive amount. This Christmas I did not at all feel festive. I didn't really want to interact with people, I was exhausted, and fairly miserable, the whole day should have been a write off. But it wasn't. It was actually a pretty relaxing and pleasant day about important people and nothing else. There are still a minority of a significant few that will always annoy and confuse, but I can cope so much better with that now. Seriously, if you need help, get it, because being able to cope and being secure within yourself is ridiculously necessary. There's no shame in reaching out to others.

All the best to all of you for 2016, you deserve it.